


Oblivion

by ellaine_mae



Series: Oblivion [1]
Category: JYJ - Fandom
Genre: Angst, M/M, One Shot, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-28
Updated: 2014-01-28
Packaged: 2018-01-10 08:49:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1157614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellaine_mae/pseuds/ellaine_mae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Junsu takes a plunge into oblivion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oblivion

Title: **Oblivion**

Author: ellaine_mae

Pairing: YooSu

Length: one-shot

Genre: romance, drama

Rating: PG-13

Warning: death, suicide, Junsu POV

 

Summary: Junsu takes a plunge into oblivion.

 

A/N: I suck at titles. And yes, this is my attempt at the angsty world of Yoosu. I understand if some of you will be offed by it. But, I just want to try something different. Don’t read if you find it a bit disturbing, (well, being me as the writer, it may come off as a very sad attempt at angst, so yeah…hehehe). 

 

 

** OBLIVION **

 

‘…selfish. You’re selfish! I hate you…I hate it that I still love you—‘

 

Did he actually say that to me last night? Or was it really last night? I didn’t know…I was so confused maybe I misheard him. But Yoochun couldn’t possibly mean it, could he? Wasn’t it months before that I was the love of his life? That I was his very soul, his very air, his everything?

 

Why did he hate me now? I cannot recall a single thing I did to make him hate me. Hate was a really strong word and I didn’t use it unless I meant it. But Yoochun used the word now and it shattered me. Yoochun’s eyes showed that he indeed felt betrayed. His smiling eyes…his lovely smiling eyes…now they were cold with hatred for me. His beautiful lips which only said his loyalty and love for me were now twisted in bitterness. It made me feel resentful. All of it. I hate him. I was the one who had a real reason to hate him. How dare he say that word to me?

 

I desperately recalled the last week we spent together. It was our anniversary. Our third. I told him we’d go someplace special. It was where we first met and felt something magical connecting us to each other. I promised we’d have a good time. I’d tour him around the beach, I said. In the mornings we’d watch the sunrise, we’d take nice quiet walks by the shore, we’d go dig for small shells and we’d bury our feet in warm fine sand. At night, I’d let him cuddle with me as we listen to the gentle waves crashing to the shore toward us. We did most of those things in the first couple of days of our vacation. 

 

Yoochun obviously enjoyed it. His happiness was so tangible I could almost hold it against my heart. This made me believe that he was content and happy with me as I was with him. I told him that too, that he was the reason for my utmost happiness. He was my soul, my life, my love…and I believed I was all those things for him too.

 

How naïve. We were on the fourth day of our blissful vacation when everything changed. I couldn’t really remember what it was with that night. It was pretty normal. I was on my way back to our private cabin after taking a short survey of the restaurants where we could dine for the evening when I passed by a small hut. It was dark but I could make out silhouettes of people inside. It shouldn’t have mattered to me if I hadn’t heard a familiar voice coming from inside the hut. 

 

I couldn’t actually pinpoint the time when my ears recognized Yoochun’s voice. He was clearly speaking to someone. Before I could even think about it, my body moved on its own. Sheer curiosity started it but as the voices inside the hut got clearer, a wave of jealousy shot through me instantly. 

 

‘I’m so sorry…I can’t let you do this…I can’t hurt him…’ it was Yoochun’s voice. 

 

A man answered, pleading. ‘Please, just this once, I’m begging you. I can’t bear it if I—if I lose you—Yoochun-ah…’

 

‘Oh…’ Yoochun said, it was obvious that he was hesitating. ‘alright, this once…but this is the last time, okay?’

 

A series of words of gratitude followed and I found that I couldn’t listen to any more. I felt a blow in my gut at the exchange. The two were quiet now, I knew what they were doing though. The thought sliced through my heart and pain almost made me choke. I barely remember how I got to our room. I only knew that I somehow ended up sitting on the bare wooden floor of our room. I was too weak to move. I heard someone gasping as if trying to breathe in air, I felt hot drops of liquid fall on the back of my right hand and I realized it was me making those awful noises and I was pouring my eyes out while clutching one hand on my chest. 

 

I kept thinking, ‘Yoochun can’t do this…he loves me…he loves me…he loves me!’ I repeated it in my head like a mantra so I could make myself forget that my heart was now twisting in unholy pain in my chest.

 

I sobbed out his name, even in my ears I sounded pathetic but I didn’t care. Yoochun was now with another man, he would leave me for him, I was sure. Betrayal coursed through me as my mind replayed the remembered conversation in that dark hut minutes before. How could he do this to me? I did everything for him. I loved him with all my all my being, I told him over and over and he said that he loved me too. And I couldn’t help but believe him…why, Yoochun?

 

I squeezed my eyes shut as another wave of pain hit me. I shifted and tried to stand. He wouldn’t see me like this. No, he wouldn’t see me this defeated, damn him!

 

I tried to balance myself on my weak legs and lifted myself up. I took hold of the door knob and put my weight against the door. I sniffed and my hands brushed the last tears away from my cheeks. If Yoochun thought that he could just discard my feelings like dirt he was clearly very mistaken. I wouldn’t let him hurt me this way. How could he? How could he?

 

‘Yoochun-ah…how could you?’ I said softly and to my horror, a fresh surge of tears flowed from my eyes. 

 

It was clear that Yoochun had been cheating me for a long time now. I racked my brain for clues of when he could have started cheating on me with that man in the hut. Was it a few months back when I wasn’t able to pick him up from work because I had to go over time? Or was it sometime between the business trip I had five weeks ago? I wasn’t sure but Yoochun certainly found time to do it. I don’t know who the guy was but I don’t like to know. Not anymore.

 

I felt tired all of a sudden, my tears stopped falling and a sense of calm slowly reached me. Yoochun was my life. And if he thought that he would be with someone else, my life is meaningless. It was over. My life was over. I wouldn’t live without him. 

 

My feet hit the cold water before I was even aware. The cold brought me back to awareness. I couldn’t remember when I got to the beach. The water felt inviting to me. I trudged forward and my knees got wet next. Liquid ice welcomed me and enveloped my senses. It made me feel numb and with it I felt lighter. I knew I could find peace in the sea’s depths. I continued walking until I felt water come up to my chin.

 

‘Junsu-ah! Stop, what are you doing?’ 

 

Someone was calling me. Was it Yoochun? No. I didn’t think he’d bother to stop me. Not when he had another man to be with. It must be a trick, a fuzzy memory in my brain that just resurfaced to play with my mind. I better not listen to it.

 

I went ahead and found myself engulfed with water. It was funny really. I was a good swimmer, I couldn’t drown easily. But now, in the serene water piercing my skin like needles, I felt suffocated. Was I in the deep part of the sea? I wasn’t sure. 

 

‘Junsu-ah! My god—please help us! Junsu!’

 

It was that voice again. My brain was really a treacherous thing. How could it still produce Yoochun’s voice so accurately as if he was there at the shore shouting? 

 

I was choking. I remembered that part. The water reached my lungs and I found it really difficult to breathe. My hands clutched my throat and my chest. I was in the deep part of the sea that was obvious. My feet struggled to get a hold on the rough surface of the bed but I found that everything was liquid. Ah, the blessed water was really embracing me. As the air in my lungs emptied, I felt a sense of detached curiosity at what was happening to my body. It twisted as it tried to force in air in my tortured lungs. My chest hurt from the water flowing inside me and my eyes started to dim. Bubbles of air spurted from my mouth and nose, the last of my precious air leaving me. With a last heave of my chest, the peaceful calm in my subconscious rushed through me. 

 

I wasn’t in pain anymore. I felt lighter, and I felt happier. It was really very surprising. 

 

My body was hauled out of the water and I could see with amused curiosity how they tried to save me. There were people from the shore who formed a circle around me. Two men were assisting another man while he was giving me CPR. I could feel their panic as they raced against time to save me. Then I heard it. A cry from the crowd. 

 

It was Yoochun.

 

He was crying, his eyes were red and puffy and he looked really devastated. I found it a bit surprising if not a bit hypocritical. How could he still feel that way when he was cheating on me with another man? But Yoochun now…he looked like hell.

 

‘How could you do this to me? How could you be so selfish? Why didn’t you tell me anything? Junsu-ah! I love you—‘Yoochun kept on saying it like he was a defective record. I thought nothing of it. He was just feeling guilty I know. 

 

I wanted to go there and shout at him, to push everyone away and drag him and shake him and ask him why. How he could hurt me so much, but I couldn’t. It was impossible now.

 

‘Junsu-ah...’ Yoochun said, he looked at my prone body as the medics worked on me. ‘Why are so selfish? You’re selfish! I hate you…I hate it that I still love you—‘he shouted and he cried harder. 

 

I shook my head. I felt sadness so great, it overwhelmed me. 

 

‘It was over now, Yoochun-ah. I loved you but you…you didn’t love me. I understand now. I’ll leave you, so you could be happy. You were my life…but I wasn’t yours. Goodbye, my love. You were my soul. Please don’t forget me.’ 

 

I turned around to the scene of Yoochun crying out to me as the men gave up and stopped saving me. Until now, I could still hear his cries.

  



End file.
